Today I expose myself
I think being honest about your weaknesses is 100% the key to turning those weaknesses into strengths
If you are honest with the people in you life about what you want to achieve
What you are trying to do
Those people will help you in your quest
The most liberating thing I did this year was to reveal to my boyfriend that I used food as an emotional crutch
And when I am stressed or sad or angry or anxious I stuff my face to quash those emotions down
I have done this for years
Well I USED to do this
I have talked about this a little before
My earliest memory of doing this is at the age of 10
It IS an eating disorder
It WAS my problem
I have done a lot of things in the last year to change my circumstances
I realised that I was jeopardizing my health for one thing
It wasn't cool
So I put things in place to stop
Can I say with 100% certainty that it will never happen again
No actually
I spent 24 years of my life depending on this to help me through my hard times
Do I think one year of being rehabilitated will fix me, of course not
I need to work hard every day to ensure that I don't put myself into the situations that are my triggers
I've worked on myself every day to change my mindset
This is where I believe we fall short as a society
If something has taken your entire lifetime to achieve....it will not be fixed in 5 days
You cannot fix a lifetime of yo yo dieting with a 5 day juice detox
You can't fix a lifetime of emotional dependency on food with 6 months of being 'good'
I talked the other day about the temptations that are out there in your daily life
Treats on every corner
How easy is it to have a bad day and inhale a family size bag of maltesers!!
It's far too easy
Its not easy to peel back your layers and expose yourself and admit that you have/had a problem
And it might linger around for some time
Telling Elliot about this was so liberating for me
It meant that the person whose respect I most craved, knew all of my layers
And he didn't think any less of me for it
He actually takes the piss out of me for it, he's a real wind up merchant
He knocks food off my fork - even when we eat out in restaurants!
He eats food from my plate....piglet!
But that's what I needed actually
I needed someone to change how I felt about it and see it for what it was
And most importantly that I have other sources of support to use rather than mainlining sugar!
So lay yourself bare
If you have the right people in your life, they will respect you for your honesty
And they will try to help you
Even if they just act as a break in the cycle
Be honest with yourself
Nicola 'no more pinoccio' Rossell
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