You were never meant to bounce back
Somewhere between the night feeds and the nappy changes, I remember scrolling my phone and seeing yet another headline about a celebrity who’d “bounced back” just weeks after having her baby
And I remember sitting there, exhausted, still in yesterday’s clothes, feeling like I was already behind
Sound familiar?
“Bouncing back” is everywhere. It’s on magazine covers, in well-meaning comments, in the questions people ask when they haven’t seen you for a while
And I think it might be one of the most unhelpful phrases we say to new mums
Let me tell you why …
“Back” is the whole problem
Bouncing back suggests going backwards. Returning to exactly who you were, and what you looked like, before. As if the last nine months, and everything after, were just a detour you need to reverse out of
But here’s the truth
You haven’t gone anywhere you need to come back from
You’ve grown a human being
Your body has stretched, shifted, worked harder than most people will ever understand, and done something genuinely extraordinary
And you, the person, have changed too. Your priorities, your heart, your whole sense of who you are
You simply can’t bounce back to a version of yourself that doesn’t quite exist anymore
And honestly? Why would you want to
What the phrase quietly tells us
The other thing “bouncing back” does is make it all about your body shrinking, and doing it fast
It puts a clock on you. It turns a tender, enormous life change into a race to look like nothing ever happened
It whispers that your postnatal body is a problem to be fixed, rather than something that has just done the most incredible thing it will ever do
No wonder so many of us end up feeling like we’re failing at something we were never supposed to be doing in the first place
So let’s put the phrase down
And pick up something far kinder, and far more useful
Forward, not back
Instead of bouncing back, I’d love for us to talk about rebuilding
Rebuilding strength. Not to look a certain way, but to feel capable again. To lift your baby, the car seat, the shopping and the toddler mid-meltdown by the trolleys, without it wiping you out. Strong from the inside out, starting gently with your core and pelvic floor (and please, get checked over by your GP or a women’s health physio before you throw yourself back into things, there really is no rush)
Rebuilding confidence. Learning to trust your body again after it’s done something so unfamiliar. Feeling steady in your own skin. Remembering what you’re capable of, one small win at a time
Discovering who you are now. There’s actually a word for this. Matrescence. It’s the process of becoming a mother, and it’s every bit as huge as adolescence. A whole reshaping of your identity, your body, and your place in the world. We just never seem to talk about it the way we should
You are not the same person you were before, and you were never meant to be
You’re becoming someone new
And that isn’t something to bounce back from. It’s something to grow into
The takeaway…
You don’t need to rush. You don’t need to shrink yourself back into an old life that no longer quite fits
You get to move forwards. Stronger, more confident, and slowly getting to know this new version of you
So be kind to yourself. You are not behind. You are exactly where you’re meant to be
If you’re ready to rebuild your strength and confidence at a pace that respects everything your body has done, I’d genuinely love to help. Drop me a line on nicola@rossellfitness.co.uk and we’ll have a chat about you, and where you’d like to go next
Nicola 💚
